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Thread: Latest and best new FIlter system

  1. #1
    Oyagoi RayJordan's Avatar
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    Latest and best new FIlter system

    I received this anon email with a request to post it on Koi-Bito. Since I am uncomfortable with anons I am posting it in the outside section. I consider it pure bonk but maybe it will be entertaining to some on this forum. Here is the post:


    Sorry I can’t provide complete particulars or more detailed drawings of a radically new improved unbelievable media/filter system to be called zapit as I am waiting for the 146 patents covering it’s unique properties to be approved. Without revealing the secret composition of base materials and the multiple high tech coatings, I’ll gladly describe the rationale behind this new media and why those lucky enough to have seen it in operation feel it will take the koi world by storm and make every other kind of filtration system obsolete.
    First you need to understand that water and mud samples were taken at each of the top Japanese koi breeder mudponds in Japan. Reverse engineering and special computer assisted design techniques were utilized to develop the different types of media compositions and numerous secret coatings necessary depending on your individual water parameters and which Japanese breeders ponds you wish to simulate. Yes, you can have the exact duplicate water parameters of your favorite koi breeders best tategoi mudpond when you use the Zapit. The same, pH, hardness, mineral content, etc. Additionally any special koi health needs you might be experiencing can be eliminated with some special Zapit system additives. Perhaps you have experienced problems with shimmies , hikui, growing jumbo koi or the need to convert some of the koi you purchased as females but turned into males back into females. All of this and much much more is not only possible but quite likely with the new Zapit system and special additives.
    Now to explain some of the design philosophy’s and principles of operation of the Zapit system. The two basic media shapes are: 1) Small fused cross shapes made of special synthetic oyster shell like material produced in a complicated chemical process. 2) cross section slices of special fir ceramic material
    Each piece of media is given numerous layers of secret coatings depending on your source water analysis and which Japanese breeders mud pond you wish to emulate plus any special needs you might want to address. Our special media/coating technology zaps away 90% of the organics generated in your pond. In fact the complicated chemical reactions create a type of anti greenhouse gas that could very well spare us all from the predicted global warming disaster. Under no circumstances are you to confuse this media with the now defunct “ X’s and O’s “ media sold in the 1980’s which we all know now to be completely worthless.
    But the special high tech media is only part of the system. It has been scientifically determined that a unique boron carbon fiber composite filter chamber is the most important component of this unbelievable system. Actually you need nine of these special chambers for each bottom drain. Therefore if you have three bottom drains you will need 27 of the special zapit chambers which is not a problem because these chambers are squares and can be flipped in any direction needed. What is extremely important is that the different bio-media shapes with different coatings cannot be mixed together. They must remain separate. Furthermore the overall configuration and position of the chambers is extremely critical to the correction operation of the Zapit. Not to worry as your filter system will be shipped with easy to follow installation instructions that anyone can follow. Here is an example configuration for a single bottom drain koi pond.

    X


    O
    O

    O


    X
    x

    x


    x
    o


    Water flows via gravity from the bottom drain to the center square filled in this example with the crossed fused media then it passes to the chamber in the upper right filled with the crossed section sliced media. Then it proceeds in a counterclockwise direction (except for the southern hemisphere where it must be plumbed in a clockwise direction) until it exits and is pumped back to the pond from the last chamber. This simple pattern is followed for each bottom drain and for the number of required skimmer circuits. The type and number or special coatings to create the perfect simulated Japanese mud pond water composition depends on which breeder/pond you wish to emulate and your local water parameters. Zapit is simple and efficient and the best filter system/media money can buy.
    No matter how efficient a filter system might be it will need to be cleaned as we all know. The zapit system is the best filter system in the world but still needs to be cleaned on occasion. This is easily accomplished by opening the special discharge drain valves on each chamber just long enough to see the incredibly small amount of mulm drain away – maybe 5 seconds per chamber on average per day.
    This post is not intended to be an advertisement for zapit as we have far more preorders than we can fill with inventory in our warehouse. It is only intended to educate koi lovers on a new incredible system to be released shortly. Watch for it to arrive at a pond/koi store near you soon.
    Ps. If you have any questions about the zapit please wait until we can establish a preferred dealer network in your area. As much as I would like to answer your questions right away I can not violate the stern warnings from our lawyers to keep important proprietary information under wraps until our patents are approved.
    Remember our simple slogan “Why not Zapit”?

    Sincerely,
    Z.A.P.

  2. #2
    Oyagoi mrbradleybradley's Avatar
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    I am kinda disappointed. This should have been kept for April 1st.

  3. #3
    Jumbo 111whalen's Avatar
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    WOW! This is very important. Now I need to decide which breeder...Who has the list of the water peramiters of each major breeder? It's either this or JR's media he wants to sell! Again wow!

  4. #4
    Honmei KoiCop's Avatar
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    Waddy on steroids! ROFLMAO

  5. #5
    Daihonmei
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    whilst traversing the banks of Shinano River with yamazawu, Randall knife by my side, I came upon an odd shaped shell just inches from my Gucci loafers. As I was the first westerner to see the Shinano since William Adams, I can tell you with confidence that the date was 12/11/1976 . I remember this because the emperor wandered by and asked me for directions.
    Yamazawu an ancient master of the koi arts was truly a simple farmer but already held the record for most GCs sold to western millionaires and as such I think that reflects well upon myself, but I'm too modest to point that fact out..... He marveled at the stones shape and with one weathered, wrinkled,pointed finger, revealed to me and me alone, centuries of secrets regarding stones that no westerner to this day can fathom without me telling this same story for the 1000th time.
    I carefully removed my Randall knife from its hamster skin sheath ( given to me by the queen of England for my contributions to the koi industry) and slowly removed the precious stone from the dense clay encasement. This was the beginning of my 30 year trek into the development of EDNA, the highest performing media in the world bar none!
    The stone was shipped home in a special stainless steel case and arrived in the UK at 2 A.M. 15/4/1978. After the band had left and a brief chat with some English Gentleman named Sting, I began my research on the stone that would become EDNA.
    The first experiment was prompted by my observation of bathtubs emptying and toilets flushing. This revealed the second secret-- just as in nature, water swirls and then does indeed go down the drain! And so the EDNA carving design began. Whilst taking my bath as all good English gentleman do, I dropped the soap. The soap swirled as it moved towards the drain!! Again proof that I was on the right track. I shouted " quick Den! Bring the Camera, Bill will want to see this"!!!! A photo was taken and the results were sent to a lab in Surry. Den asked " excited?" , " yes, says I" as I knew we were one step closer to changing everything.
    Now I'm a big believer in things being expensive and things costing a lot of money as being different things so I opted for expensive over 'lots of money' and the EDNA pricing system was born.
    If you examine the media it will appear to be simple type bottle caps. But upon closer examination you will see that water can flow horizontally thru the drill hole placed carefully but deliberately in each and every one.
    This fact has been proven by a former customer who works for NASA. He tells me, Whilst we chatted politely at a Tommy Lee party put together in my honor, it is of the finest design he has ever seen!
    I am constructing a website to explain to the simplest of minds just how the horizontal flow of water works ( it is water that does a thing called ' moving sideways' and is considered the 8th wonder of the world in high class koi circles) and how EDNA moves water into tiny rows that allow the arms of the bacteria to grab each passing bit of ammonia. This technique is called Cad and is both rude and effective.
    More later, must dash, marketing bits to write and people to fleece---
    JR humble amateur.

  6. #6
    Honmei Brutuscz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JasPR View Post
    whilst traversing the banks of Shinano River with yamazawu, Randall knife by my side, I came upon an odd shaped shell just inches from my Gucci loafers. As I was the first westerner to see the Shinano since William Adams, I can tell you with confidence that the date was 12/11/1976 . I remember this because the emperor wandered by and asked me for directions.
    Yamazawu an ancient master of the koi arts was truly a simple farmer but already held the record for most GCs sold to western millionaires and as such I think that reflects well upon myself, but I'm too modest to point that fact out..... He marveled at the stones shape and with one weathered, wrinkled,pointed finger, revealed to me and me alone, centuries of secrets regarding stones that no westerner to this day can fathom without me telling this same story for the 1000th time.
    I carefully removed my Randall knife from its hamster skin sheath ( given to me by the queen of England for my contributions to the koi industry) and slowly removed the precious stone from the dense clay encasement. This was the beginning of my 30 year trek into the development of EDNA, the highest performing media in the world bar none!
    The stone was shipped home in a special stainless steel case and arrived in the UK at 2 A.M. 15/4/1978. After the band had left and a brief chat with some English Gentleman named Sting, I began my research on the stone that would become EDNA.
    The first experiment was prompted by my observation of bathtubs emptying and toilets flushing. This revealed the second secret-- just as in nature, water swirls and then does indeed go down the drain! And so the EDNA carving design began. Whilst taking my bath as all good English gentleman do, I dropped the soap. The soap swirled as it moved towards the drain!! Again proof that I was on the right track. I shouted " quick Den! Bring the Camera, Bill will want to see this"!!!! A photo was taken and the results were sent to a lab in Surry. Den asked " excited?" , " yes, says I" as I knew we were one step closer to changing everything.
    Now I'm a big believer in things being expensive and things costing a lot of money as being different things so I opted for expensive over 'lots of money' and the EDNA pricing system was born.
    If you examine the media it will appear to be simple type bottle caps. But upon closer examination you will see that water can flow horizontally thru the drill hole placed carefully but deliberately in each and every one.
    This fact has been proven by a former customer who works for NASA. He tells me, Whilst we chatted politely at a Tommy Lee party put together in my honor, it is of the finest design he has ever seen!
    I am constructing a website to explain to the simplest of minds just how the horizontal flow of water works ( it is water that does a thing called ' moving sideways' and is considered the 8th wonder of the world in high class koi circles) and how EDNA moves water into tiny rows that allow the arms of the bacteria to grab each passing bit of ammonia. This technique is called Cad and is both rude and effective.
    More later, must dash, marketing bits to write and people to fleece---
    JR humble amateur.
    LOL...holy cow that was funny

  7. #7
    Daihonmei
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    Must be the eggnog LOLs. Happy Hanukkah ! JR

  8. #8
    Oyagoi mrbradleybradley's Avatar
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    JR

    I know someone who will happily pay $1 for a photo of yourself in the bathtub with the soap swirling around.

  9. #9
    Honmei Brutuscz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JasPR View Post
    Must be the eggnog LOLs. Happy Hanukkah ! JR
    Thank you JR...and a happy Festivus for the rest of us!!!

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